Hey guys, how has everyone been? I know it has been a little while since I have posted and not only that but I have also been quite distant from even being active on WordPress these past few days meaning I have not done a lot of reading which is not good. Not only have I been distant from WordPress but I have just been distant overall in my life these days…I feel like a prisoner in my room and I totally am sick of seeing it and repeating the routine (eat, watch TV, sleep, repeat) I have been going through these days but when I think to do anything different my mind kinda just shuts down. I have been avoiding yoga, I last went on Saturday which I feel that I did not enjoy the class simply because my mind was distracted so I said! Forget yoga for now, I am not going there with all these thoughts in my head as it will defeat the purpose of being there. I have also avoided being out and about exploring as I usually do because again my mind is so distracted and secondly, I really need to be mindful of my spending these days which means I cannot aimlessly spend as I usually like to…Things with where I worked are still unsettled, which makes things extremely tough to accept and just move on as we are being told to show up day after day to place we were told last week we had no job. Each morning since last week Wednesday I have been told to come in to work as usual but not work…I have been promised to receive further details on the situation which I have yet to receive, at this point I just feel like an object, a toy that they can push around and have waiting on them until they are ready and I truly feel embarrassed allowing someone to have this power over me. Its strange how things in life can change so quickly.
Any who guys, I just wanted to give you all some background on what has been up and an idea on why I have not been very active on here, I really want to but my mind is just elsewhere. Also, I want to apologize that my past few posts (including this one) have been a bit sad and not on the bright side and to be honest I can see any posts that I make in the coming days kinda being like that to which is just a reflection of what I am going through. I hope you all understand and still find something good out of these that may speak to you, hoping to be on the brighter side of things sooner than later asides from that, lets get into the post.
So as stated above I have not been reading as many blog posts as I use to just due to the fact that I just am really not absorbing much information as I usually do but! I do receive daily emails of new blogs posted from people I follow as well as I am informed whenever someone leaves me a message or a like, etc. I believe over the weekend I kinda ignored it all as I just did not know what to really say but yesterday I kinda snapped out of it and got back to everyone who was kind enough to visit my page, so thank you very much to everyone and sorry for the delay in my response. As I was online yesterday I decided to read a few different posts and after reading those it kinda sparked an idea for me to write. I was truly inspired by a post written by Natalie Vinh who spoke to the topic of wanting a fresh start and how time will not wait on any person. I highly recommend checking out her blog and this post I am referring to as it is truly great, I will leave the link below.
Now, Natalie spoke about wanting a fresh start and being unsure of the best ways to achieve that fresh start which I would love to know myself as I have felt as though a fresh start is something I needed for awhile. I do not want to reiterate what she has said as I hope you will visit her page and check it out but! I will say that there are somethings in my life that I wish could just be gone with the snap of my fingers. At this current time in my life I truly wish that I had the power of the CTRL + ATL +DEL for things in my life. Currently, my biggest obstacle is my work life, the uncertainty surrounding it and all the garbage that I am ultimately facing on a day to day basis. I wish I could just delete this part of my life instantly, I wish I could delete the financial obligations I have, I wish I could delete the stress that has bombarded me these past few days, I wish I could delete the feeling of lack of motivation in my life, and I wish I could delete the self-doubt that has started creeping back up on me. All of these things I wish I could delete is strongly related to the loss of my job, it is a trickling factor and has opened a ton of doors full of bad emotions for me.
If only life was as simple as it is to erase things from Microsoft Word or Excel. Now, I am sure many of you can relate to wanting to erase things from your current day to day life as we all face unpleasant encounters however, it varies from person to person. Right now, all I want is a fresh start. I was told that we would have options to work within different departments where I was employed yet, we have no details regarding that. How things have unfolded, I really am not interested in being a part of what the business stands for as I have lost a lot of trust that I had built up over the past few years and I am now just ready for it to be completely over. Many of my co-workers are hopeful to find further employment opportunities within the business as they say it is a great company to work for and with how the economy is in Toronto we probably would not find a job that offers everything we would receive there. Now, I totally understand where they are coming from and their biggest argument is that it is better to be employed than unemployed which I agree, everyone needs a job, everyone has commitments but after being treated this way, when do you say it is enough? When do you realize that you are being made into a fool? There must be something else out there, there has to be! I just want this chapter in my life to be done so I can close the door behind me, move on without having to look back and find my fresh start. I know to myself that what I have been doing these past few days is a total waste of my life, I have wasted about 70 hours of life just stressing and doing nothing but watching pointless things on TV and sleeping. The sad thing is that while doing that, I am fully aware that what I am doing is stupid and not the actions that me as a person usually does yet, I am doing it day after day. I wish I could delete all of this from my life and move on as asides from this area my life is pretty good for god sake I am going across the world next week but all of this has blinded me and all I see is negativity, sadly.
Well guys, I don’t think this post went as I planned but at this point my mind is kinda battling me again so before I further ramble on I will bring it to a closing here. Thank you for reading and I hope to bring you all some better and more productive content soon.
Goodnight…Until the next Lifestyleforyoureyes post
*Disclaimer – Photos used are for the sole purpose of this post and I do not take any credit for the photos used as they were retrieved online (google)*