Distance brings us closer?

Hello, Hello, Hello Guys! How are you all today? Today is a Tuesday that I start my work week on as we were treated with a day off yesterday known as Family Day.  I had briefly mentioned it in my earlier post done over the weekend, did you guys have Family day where you live? =) Let me know below and before we jump into this post I hope you guys are having a great day so far whether it be a Tuesday or any other day!

Monday February 20th, 2017 is the day marked as Family Day here in Ontario Canada and I believe this holiday also falls on the same date within many provinces across Canada asides from BC if I remember correctly. I currently live at home with my family which includes my Mom, Dad, and Sister. On a day to day basis I will say we have all become very busy with our own lives whether it is work or personal errands or just having different ways of making use of our free time.

Seeing that we really do not spend much quality time together, my sister and I discussed this Family day business and decided that we would take our parents out for dinner and maybe watch a movie or just go for a walk in one of the malls in our area. We decided to keep it fairly simple as the past few years we have had many relatives visit which of course we had the delight of taking them sightseeing so many of the activities downtown Toronto were kinda old news to each of us. So that was the plan! We would go have a nice dinner and keep things simple. Leading up to this weekend one of my colleagues mentioned to me that there was a new Thai Restaurant that had opened in the surrounding area. He said it was really good and there were tons of options to choose from which he also was able to give me a menu of theirs from when he last went. I checked it out and discussed it with my sister which she agreed that we could check out this spot for a change with my parents. Now guys! I thought this was a good idea, as there were endless options and I feel that my parents enjoy having various choices rather than only 3-5 options. My dad enjoys seafood and vegetables while my mom enjoys poultry, my sister and I are pretty much open to anything so I thought great! This will work out perfectly =) So, Sunday comes around and rather than occupying ourselves on the Monday we agreed that we could go out for Sunday that way Monday could be used to just relax and prepare for the work week.

Our adventure began! We decided we would go check out a mall in the area that we do not visit frequently then head over for dinner around 5:30PM. We arrived at the mall for 2:45PM and started browsing around. Now, my parents are not big shoppers but! You would think that as they do not go to the malls often that they would be more interested in looking around and seeing what is new but that was not the case! We basically walked through a fairly large mall within one hour! They were walking about but barely went into any stores…I was not sure what was wrong but they did not seem to be enjoying themselves which brought down my excitement. With that said, my sister made a call to the restaurant we had reservations for at 5:30PM and tried to move our time up earlier which was possible thankfully! So off we went to this Thai Restaurant to have some dinner which I was excited for as my colleague had really good things to say about this place. We arrived and it is a fairly small restaurant but very nice, modern, and bright. It was pretty empty when we arrived, just ourselves and another couple to be specific. We were seated immediately and went right for it starting with drinks! Now, this is a new restaurant which I believe has opened no longer than a month now.  Us 3 ladies tried ordering some cocktails that was on the menu however, our waitress advised us that they did not have the ingredients to complete the drinks which…yes was disappointing but! We did not want to have that ruin the evening so we opted for regular drinks which worked as well. We ordered a few dishes and they all came one after the other which one dish was Fried Rice with Chicken, Shrimp and Pineapple. When it arrived my Dad said he was not going to have any which I thought…why? I told him to just have some as the portions were large and he should try just a little to see how it was. Guys! I am not even sure if he took a bite but he took a few spoonfuls in his plate and almost immediately he said he did not want it. He continued saying he does not want it, he does not want it, and put what was on his plate onto my mom’s plate. Now, that left a bad taste in my mouth and it did not help that he continued to mention that the Fried Rice had basically turned him off. My mom, sister and I all had the rice and there was nothing wrong with it to us…But he continued to say it was not good, this, that and the next. So long story short! Our dinner lasted about 45 minutes and we were off to good old home!

Now! You may be wondering why am I talking about all of this and so what if my dad did not enjoy the food, it’s his personal opinion. And, I agree it is his personal opinion and he is not expected to love everything but!  I think what got under my skin was just the constant over and over bashing and putting it down. It just put everyone else at the table in an uncomfortable mood, as we were trying to have a nice time out and clearly one person was not having a nice time which I think made the rest of us feel a bit bad. I know it was not a serious thing and many times I believe my father talks without knowing what he says can come off wrong or ungrateful but I have encountered many occasions where either my sister or I will try doing something nice for him and it just doesn’t ever seem to be much to him and to me that is insulting. As we sat there, I was just about ready to go as soon as we could and all I could think in my mind is if you don’t like something, don’t have any more of it…You don’t have to say it over and over again, it is a free meal in the end!

Of course guys this may seem petty and writing about it now, I am even thinking hmm this sounds a bit minor but! The issue stems deeper than a simple dinner out. My relationship with my parents I would describe it as a tricky one. I love them very much and want nothing but to be able to provide and do the best by them but! I cannot seem to have that tight knit relationship with them which sometimes I feel guilty for that. Ever since I was younger (teenager) I have always distanced myself from my parents, I could never go and really talk to them about every and anything and it is not because they were not there…it was simply because of myself, I was just not comfortable and even up to today I find it hard to sit and casually talk with them. I feel as though when we do try doing things more so together that more bad than good comes out of it more times than less which is sad to say but that is why I feel that some relationships need distance to be a successful one. Can anyone relate to me with this? 

This is a very hard thing for me to talk about because I never want anyone to get the wrong impression that I dislike my parents or any crazy thing like that! Like I said I care for them very much and I rack my brain everyday over trying to figure out ways to provide a comfortable life for them after retirement. I think I feel a lot of guilt inside, although I know I care for them, do they? As I said above, I rarely spend quality time with them and we were never a family to verbally/physically express love. Yet when I try to bond and hang out with them things just don’t seem to go smoothly. I can say that I believe my father and I are very alike which I strongly believe is why our relationship can be rocky at times; we are both very strong minded, temperamental at times, and like to be right. Often we hear that similar personalities clash as it is too much of one thing which is what I believe happens we I and him are together. I value my dad’s opinion very highly and when he says negative things in reference to anything I do, it hits me pretty hard (Failure feelings) which is another reason why I feel there is tension in our relationship. I think I am scared of saying certain things that I may be proud of as he may not see it as an accomplishment which will just break me down so I prefer to keep a lot (career/education wise) far from him and my mom. Many times (my mom more than my dad) they will ask about my career and what I am planning to do in the future and I like to keep things very simple. They may ask how my job is and I will say well even if things may not be good or if things may be great! I keep details to myself and honestly this has been working for me and hopefully working for them. I feel that although there is that distance between us, it is probably for the better as it keeps our relationship cool and calm, free of drama. I hope in the future that I can be more open with them one day as I see how close my sister is with them and I would never want them to feel that I have any sort of hatred towards them. But until then, distance is key between my parents and I, we flow better with waves in between.

 So guys! I hope you enjoyed reading my ranting and chatting and hopefully I did not bore you all! Let me know if you guys have come across any relationships in your life where distance just works better than close bonding! As always thank you for reading and keep look out for a more light hearted & fun read in the coming hours!!

Later gators! Until the next Lifestyleforyoureyes post!

 

4 Comments Add yours

  1. It’s really nice how you have a Family Day! I’ve never had one before. I totally understand where you are coming from, sometimes parents don’t understand your mindset for your life and it’s often difficult to get them on board

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it is great! I believe it’s something that was implemented about 5 years ago or less! Fairly new holiday 😊 I hope you are able to have this holiday in the near future! It’s a good chance to take time away from our busy schedules. I totally agree! My parents and I have always had a very different outlook on life which some decisions I make they disagree with and likewise with me and their choices. But what can you do right! We are all our own individual there is bound to be disagreements

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post, I couldn’t agree more 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! Glad to know others can relate!

      Liked by 1 person

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